Macross Delta Episode 5 : Prince Princess

Ok, it's been a week. I am two updates behind. If anyone has been anxiously awaiting developments, I apologize. If impatient, please comment or pester me by other means.

So when we left off the Blowhard Knights of Windermere had formed up to formally declare war on the New Unified Government, hereby referred to exclusively as NUG. To further explain the cause for their war they explain that NUG came to them under a banner of friendship and with a treaty of exploitative corporate greed- which does indeed sound VERY human. Yes, apparently this treaty allowed NUG to take the lionshare of profits from a undefined everything prompting them to undertake a war for independence- the necessity for which implies this was a very strange sort of treaty again.

After securing their independence- good on them- they resolved to drive the NUG out of the Brisingle Globular cluster, henceforth exclusively called the Glob.

So in short, if the Windermeercats could refrain from using the Roidrage Mind Control music- which should be banned by any given Space Geneva Convention- it would not in fact be clear they are the bad guys.

Ohey, before I get carried away with that- today's episode comes with a special advertisement!

Who can remember such hits as :

Let's Have Fun Inside of You
Unreachable Edge
Uncertain Cosmic Movements
I'm Almost There
Satisfy Me Tonight
Sweet 14
Gigli Tick
Come At Me Just Like That

And of course the final credits song:

When It's Erect And Shiny (pictured)

I sure can't!

So the Declaration of War Speech ends and apparently the Blowhard Knights of Windermere cleared their throats awkwardly, coughed and waved goodbye before blasting off again before Delta Squad remembered they were fighting and in fact officially at war now.

This is all off-camera, so your guess is as good as mine. Whatever the case, we find Musical Girl Squad and their Escorts the Dolta Squadron chilling in the UltraMegazord eating jellyfish chips. Which even the creepy green haired one what professed earlier to only eating Jellyfish raw, eats.

But that was probably just to shoot down the pilot who was flirting with them in episode 1. She's in a committed relationship with a woman incapable of using full first names and can only describe any given thing as cute. She's not going to jeopardize that for jellyfish potstickers.

But I digress.

Where was I. Right. So, Commander Arad and Ernest turn up to call everyone into the briefing room where they explain that Windermere is a planet with a Dimensional Barrier around it, presumably protecting it from NUG infestation. They also find out that the Blowhards pilot fancy jetmechs called  SV-262 Draken IIIs. The Blowhards are winged knights in service to the quaintly archaic royal family of Windermere.

Also that the ace pilot is called the White Knight, but is in a jetmech that is now black despite being initially colored silver for dramatic reasons that probably don't boil down to someone forgetting to use some damn polish on the thing. The White Knight and Commander Arad are implied to have some manner of history, having presumably met when Arad was on Windermere during it's war for independence.

Somehow I doubt Arad was fighting to help lift the NUG's boot off of Windermere's neck.

We also learn that the Windermeercats are not responsible for ALL of the cases of Roidrage, but certainly the cases involving strong biocrinklewaves.

Experiments of course, which Windermere has profited from by learning how to use Roidrage precisely, which allowed them to conquer the planet Vordor without a fight.

It's at this point we learn that they do this via a song which only Musical Girl Squad and certain Delta Squad pilots. The twist for me was learning that the singer was a boy. Yes, that's right, the person I was calling Princess all this time was actually Prince.

I can't imagine how I could have been mistaken. Clearly a dude.

At this point Mikumo -the crazy purple haired member of Walkure who babbles about the Goddess which she may or may not believe SHE is- expresses her respect for the to-them unknown Prince, who so rapidly enslaved the Var-infected, which she finds impressive.

She also makes the displays in the room appear to show a wall of blue fire at a touch, because no one has listened to her deranged cries for help yet and that just means the volume is going to get turned up and up.

"SEA OF STARS, CALL ME A PADDED WAGON! VROOM VROOM!"

Anyhow, Manic Pixie Dream Girl suspects the singer is a Wind Singer, which is a Windermeercat Legend. The hint was that it has Wind in it. Windermere, where everything of note is Wind-something. If they were any more monomaniacal it would be Planet Wind, Home of the Wind who wind in their winds and wind against the wind of the wind against their wind with disingenuous exploitative wind forcing their wind against other winds to drive out the wind via use of wind to wind winds until wind wind winds.

Cut to Planet Wind. The Wind are enjoying life as winds when suddenly the winds return! I mean, the peasants are enjoying life at the immutable bottom of their social ladder when they see the Blowhard Knights have returned to deliver news of their military successes to the hereditary culturally endorsed Tyrant of their world, King Wind.

He is of course pleased to hear that the Blowhard Knights have freed not one, but TWO planets. Which is novel given that Walkure only knows about the surrender of Vordor. That, or Walkure got their asses kicked offscreen in the last episode and lost that planet too and no one wants to talk about it.

The bad news is all of this has all strained Prince Princess Heinz more than expected as a result they note...

Wherein the Master Sword sleeps, far too dignified to appear in this series.

Roid suggests they may need to reconsider their strategy of having Prince Princess Heinz won planets for them, but King Wind reassures them.

...and bring destruction upon the earthlings. I mean, bring wind upon the wind, leaving only wind.

 I think he perhaps doesn't care that much about the health of Prince Princess Heinz. Meh. Meanwhile it is clear that King Wind is ancient by Windmeercat standards, maybe even 35. A point not lost on Roid.

Roid notes while consoling himself by admiring his extensive collection of novelty reading glasses with a nice glass of wind.

Some other Blowhard the name of whom I don't recall is annoyed that Roid is concerned with the health of King Wind and Prince Princess Heinz- which makes sense as I do recall that he is the brother of Prince Princess Heinz and is thus likely in line for the throne.

Roid, it turns out, believes that his people are the true heirs of the Protoculture and are solely obligated to guide the people of the Glob in the right direction. Presumably as vassals to the windy throne. Not just to kill people.

Meanwhile two presumed Blowhard Knights are chatting, one of them still alive at age 33, when they are suddenly attacked by Booger. Master Hermann, the impossibly old one, effortlessly dodges all of Booger's attacks, who reminds Booger he's not Booger's Master anymore when he calls him that.

Hermann asks how long Booger will keep trying to stab him, at which point Booger says 'when he can land a hit of course'. Hermann takes this admission of planned elder abuse in stride. Meanwhile Booger needs him to look at something.

I... guess it is. They keep saying they're runes. Glittery head tentacles of an apparently erotic nature are odd to sum up as runes though.

Booger smells the pungent winds of a traitor you see. Her wind winds his wind wind, and as a result his own head tentacles start getting all glittery- prompting a chiding from his elders. Booger can't control his rune you see, just starts glittering all over the place when he's excited apparently.

Very rude.

 Hermann briefly ponders the Windermeercat in Walkure and then we cut back to Goof Troop and Musical Girl Squad, meeting already in progress.

The Autonomous Planetary Government of Ragna has made additional demands of Musical Girl Squad. Specifically now that they are for some reason at war with Windemere, they want Musical Girl Squad to defend against Windemere's military actions and not just the Roidrage. Chaos, the Private Military Corporation- you know, like Blackwater- cannot technically force the civilian contractees they rather recklessly issue seriously military hardware to (Shlub) to accept the new contract terms. So, everyone has to decide if they want to keep their jobs and fight or be unemployed.

For some, mainly all of Musical Girl Squad's regulars, the decision is easy. The Pink Haired one couldn't possibly abandon her cute Siegfried Jetmechs, the Green Haired One couldn't possibly abandon the Pink Haired One, the Red Haired One couldn't possibly abandon Commander Arad and the Purple Haired one, as established, is unemployable in any other field on account of being the most deranged of all.

STAR GODDESSSSS

All of Delta Squad elects to stay except for Shlub who is asked to think about it.This leaves Pixie needing to decide between employment and dream of being a Musical Girl versus going to war against her own people. Fortunately for Chaos...

At which point barking mad Mikumo there notes that it's commonly believed that Manic Pixie Freyja is in fact a Windermeercat spy. Which prompts Pixie to slap herself and vow to do all she can and more to dispel that notion.

We then cut to Shlub standing on a ledge, perhaps contemplating suicide with the curious certainty that leaping off would just cause an improbably strong wind to set him back in place safely. The God-King of Merkats briefly turns up to make him sneeze but sadly doesn't beat the shit out of him again.

Back at Rugyumyum the Pink Haired One is working on upgrades to the holographic backup dancer generating bio-crinkle amplifier drones so they can 'better work with Delta Squad'. Though what on earth Musical Girl Squad is supposed to do to military units of Windemere NOT controlled by Roidrage remains to be explained.

 Anyhow, Shlub finally wanders in as Pixie watches some space entertainment news program on the phone she stole from some kids with said kids who have either been paid or are very forgiving about it as they babble on about how she's a spy.

Suddenly THE MEDIA ambushes her. She dumbly listens to their questions, mesmerized by their flashing cameras until the other members of Musical Girl Squad and Delta present run interference, allowing Shlub to help her escape by taking advantage of The Media's inability to see people who are slightly crouched. After much running Shlub takes her to an empty beach to poke her head tentacle and make it clear to her that everyone can see she's only pretending not to be scared.

Because he is, again, an asshole.

Meanwhile she idly wonders just why everyone can't just get along. Purple space elf Mirage, Doomed Third in this vile fated Love Triangle turns up to try and reassure Pixie by talking about her grandparents, a Human and another Space Elf. Shlub can't abide that though and makes it clear to Pixie that Mirage's babbling is of no relevance whatsoever. He chides Mirage for putting too much pressure on Pixie, Mirage gets flustered for a moment but then is allowed to remember who she's speaking with.

She says she expects him to quit, because he's allergic to Mercats and keeps getting his ass kicked by one, which after he vows to kill the Mercat King leads to this bit of dialogue.

Which, by the way, is not the first time he's used this insult. Poor Mirage. You know I read the comments on a summary of this episode not long ago, which hurt. Apparently there are Teams for the two love interests. Team Mirage and Team Underage Girl Thinly Excused As a Love Interest By Alien Biology. In this case it was a comment from a member of team Mirage who want to see Mirage and Shlub hook up. I'm on Mirage's team too, only I'm pulling for her to kill him- thus saving Pixie while at it. From his predations, anyway. God knows what Mikumo has already done to her, poor kid.

"She will satisfy me again, next time we use the freestanding microphone."

Anyhow, thus thwarted by cruel facts Shlub grabs Pixie and leaves Mirage there on the beach. That'll show her for trying to encourage Pixie. No, Shlub knows what Pixie really needs while under suspicion of being a spy...

Did you guess 'to take an ungodly expensive cutting edge killing machine for a joyride?' me either, but I probably should have by now.

Goddamn it. See at this point I don't even blame Shlub. Shlub's an idiot. What is so profoundly wrong with Ernest P. Johnson's SuperAircraftCarrierVoltron that Shlub can just pop into his Jetmech and, what the hell, fly it around a bit in civilian airspace.

Even for a Private Military Corporation facility that is absurdly, recklessly, insanely lax. How often do you hear about some Private in any given military taking a conventional jet for a joyride without so much as a word to air traffic control?

The incompetence is inevitably deep here. Anyway, Pixie finds this rather romantic and thus funny- prompting her to laugh and giving Shlub an opportunity to neg on her further about her creepy laugh. Yes, I said Neg. In the distant space-future I am now quite confident that stupid hairclip is the equivalent of a Space-Fedora.

Anyway, she starts playing some music and starts into a rousing rendition of When It's Erect and Shiny. Which I will admit actually has pleasant rhythm and instrumentation, even if the translated lyrics remain batshit insane for the most part.

Speaking of batshit insane, Shlub gets so caught up in the singing he takes his hands off of the throttle and lets the jetmech stall and go into a freefall that would ultimately kill them both- if they weren't the Specials.

They are though and he regains control in time effortlessly. She complains and he compliments her singing and encourages her to sing more, so she forgives all and resolves to stay with Musical Girl Squad.

Shlub, you jackass.

This feel-good moment of wholesome romance between a lazy asshole drifter and a 14-year old in a misappropriated war machine is tragically messed up by Ace Pilot and Rare Sane Person Messer, who flies in to single-handedly enforce the barest minimum of security.

"You done Messered up, Son."

Shlub argues and Messer replies by securing a missile lock. Amazingly, this gets the point across and Shlub returns to base. There, Mirage catches up just in time to get a dose of ire from Messer as well. Shlub then jumps to her defense, at which point Messer dismisses him as beneath scolding.

Pixie then jumps to Shlub's defense, saying he did it for her and Messer simply informs her that he will be informing The Red Haired One about what happened here. Though I think I may catch a hint of resignation that implies he knows what I know.

Fuckall will come of this.

Poor Messer. The only professional in the lot. I can see the conversation with Arad.

"Commander, Cadet Immelman against orders took his Siegfried for a joyride with the Walkure recruit, Freyja."

"Huh. Did they come back?"

"Yes, though only under threat of being shot down as I had to personally retrieve them."

"Well, that seems a bit harsh..."

"Hng. What repercussions will be issued, Commander?"

"Is the cockpit sticky?"

"Commander?"

"Did they get the cockpit all disgusting and sticky, Messer?"

"I... Don't believe so, Commander."

"Meh, I'll get around to telling Immelman he was a naughty boy later. Fuck it."

"Hrng."

In a world in which everyone is comic relief, Messer is the actual comic relief. It's just darkly comic indeed. Death would be a mercy.

Anyhow, a bit of scolding and being told that for some reason it's not acceptable to treat a war machine like a toy during a war (okeydokey at other times apparently) and Shlub vows to personally end the war so that he can go back to just flying however the fuck he wants.

Messer would have been better off just walking away while chuckling bitterly, but this will do I suppose.

That poor fauxhawked bastard.

And now for the palette cleanser.